Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
