Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
