So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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