do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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