never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
