accomplished twins. life is a go
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
