i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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