the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
