If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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