Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
