Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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