So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
