Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
