he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize