Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
