Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
