He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your penis caused this!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
