Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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