yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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