Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
