She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
