it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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