Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
