Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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