proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am naked and annoyed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
