Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
