I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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