My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
