She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
