i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
