I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
