A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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