Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
