Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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