so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
