I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
