can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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