You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I would ride that face into the sunset
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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