I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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