Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Barsexuality is the new black.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
