Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
