You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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