Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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