too bad you live with your parents still
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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