i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
