Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
