Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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