I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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