Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
