you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
