oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
