and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
