I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
