The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
