Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
