Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
