All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
