hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
