I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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