I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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