I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
