My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
