i permit you to call me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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