i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
