there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
