She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
