things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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