i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
