he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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