i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
