im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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