You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
