i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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